Month: December 2024

Defusing Conflict: Lessons from the Christmas Truce 1914

National Football Museum, All Together Now by Andrew Edwards
National Football Museum, All Together Now by Andrew Edwards by David Dixon is licensed under CC-BY-SA 2.0

Christmas is a magical time of year. Traditionally, Christmas was a time to reflect on the birth of the saviour, Jesus Christ. For many Australians, spending time with family and friends and enjoying food is the main reason for Christmas. Around the world, Christmas is celebrated by the religious, non-religious and irreligious alike. Whatever the reason, Christmas inspires many of us to be kinder and more joyful. Family tensions are put aside long enough to come together around Christmas dinner. Did someone sneakily sprinkle fairy dust that leads to a change in behaviour? Christmas can also bring out the very worst in people. Some Christmas gatherings are more like trench warfare. Where passive-aggressive sniping and verbal hand grenades are thrown into the conversation. All this served with a side order of indigestion and seething resentment. Whatever the reason, outbreaks of peace and goodwill are possible.

The Christmas truce of 1914

An outbreak of ‘peace and goodwill’ occurred along the Western Front during the first World War. On Dec 7th, 1914, Pope Benedict XV (15th) asked for an official truce. The Pope pleaded with the warring powers. He wished that “…the guns may fall silent at least upon the night the angels sang.” His appeal for peace was ignored. Since the start of the war, Allied and German soldiers had been fighting for 5 months. Thousands of men had been died (including civilians during the German invasion of Belgium). The armies on both sides were now bogged down in trench warfare. In some places, the trenches were no more 30 metres apart. As the Christmas season approached, the weather became cooler and frost appeared on the ground. For soldiers on both sides, this was their first Christmas away from family and friends. Kaiser Wilheim wanted to boost the morale of the German army. He had thousands of Christmas trees sent to the front. If the Kaiser had foreseen the impact of this gesture, he may have had second thoughts.

Silent Night: an outbreak of peace and goodwill

As Christmas Eve approached, an unusual silence descended over the battlefield. German soldiers placed Christmas trees and candles on the edges of the trenches. While German soldiers sang Silent Night and proclaimed ‘Christ the saviour is born’, something unusual happened. The trenches were so close that British soldiers heard the Germans singing Christmas carols. Some British soldiers clapped with enthusiasm in response. Allied soldiers responded singing Christmas carols of their own. Soldiers on both sides had some light-hearted banter with their enemy. The Germans shouted `Happy Christmas’ across the trenches to their enemy.  

An agreement was reached to meet in the middle of the battlefield. As trust grew, soldiers from opposing sides, slowly and cautiously, left their trenches. They swapped gifts, drank alcohol, shared family photos, and sang carols together. Some German soldiers offered barrels of beer to contribute to the party. The beer had been ‘liberated’ from a French brewery. Tribal loyalties to their respective nations divided the men. Still, they all agreed that French beer was truly awful. In a joint funeral service, British and German soldiers recited Psalm 23. They said, “The Lord is my Shepherd” to honour their fallen comrades. The truce worked so well that it was extended until Boxing Day. For a moment, soldiers from either side could celebrate. They no longer feared being shot or killed. The ideal of the universal brotherhood of man was realised. What can we learn from the Christmas of 1914 that could make our lives more peaceful?

Conflict and the clash of needs.

Conflict occurs when there is a clash of unmet desires or needs. Conflict can be helpful. Good conflict helps to air grievances and complaints. It allows each other to be heard. It also involves setting ground rules to avoid abusive behaviour. Conflict becomes a problem when parties use manipulation or force. On a larger scale, conflict escalates and leads to war, mass killing, sexual violence, exploitation and genocide. To avoid harmful conflict, we need to listen to our needs. We must also learn to listen to the unmet needs of other people.

Defusing conflict: finding common ground and the role of empathy.

Expressing our own needs and hearing the needs of others creates common ground. In a space free of harsh judgments, blame, scapegoating and fixed opinions, common ground and mutual empathy is possible. Empathy is not to be confused with sentimentality or not having boundaries. Real empathy is the ability to make sense of another person’s behaviour by looking  at their situation. This doesn’t imply that we must always agree to meet the other person’s needs.

Defusing conflict with a teenage neighbour

While working from home, a teenage neighbour was playing loud music. I was feeling very irritated, unable to think or concentrate. My need was to have time to concentrate. I put myself in the situation of my teenage neighbour. As a teenager, playing music was one of the ways that I expressed my growing independence and self-expression. I fiercely resented adults trying to impose their will on me. In the short term, using force will lead to conformity. It creates simmering resentment. It doesn’t allow for a conversation that engages the other party in the possibility of cooperation. I walked over to the fence and calmly said ‘Hello’. I explained to him that I was working from home and struggling to concentrate due to the music. I said: ‘I don’t want to stop you from playing your music and having a good time.’ I asked him to lower the volume for the next 2 hours. I needed that time to finish my work. He agreed and I had 2 hours to concentrate and finish my work.

Part 2: Avoid demonizing the enemy.

Resource

1. Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life : Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships: Vol. 3rd edition – Marshall B. Rosenberg, PhD & Deepak Chopra

Is Your Anxiety Affecting Your Child? Clues to Look For and Practical Steps Forward

Photo by Freepik

Guest Author Chloe Pearson

As a parent, you naturally want the best for your child. Nonetheless, sometimes your own anxiety can inadvertently affect their well-being. You need to understand how your stress impacts your family. Learn ways to manage it. This can create a healthier environment for everyone involved.

Understanding Anxiety’s Impact on Family Dynamics

To effectively support your child’s well-being, it’s crucial to educate yourself about anxiety and its effects on family life. Recognizing that anxiety is not only a personal struggle. It is also a familial one. This understanding can help you find out how your own stress does influence your child. By managing your own anxiety, you give a positive example for your child. You show that anxiety is a normal part of life. It is something that can be managed. This proactive approach not only aids in reducing your child’s anxiety but also fosters a healthier family environment overall.

Your Anxiety and Your Child’s Well-being

Understanding how your anxiety affects your child is crucial for their emotional and behavioral health. Research indicates that parental anxiety can significantly increase the risk of children developing emotional and behavioral issues. Interestingly, while parental anxiety is linked to children’s internalizing problems, it does not necessarily correlate with externalizing behaviors. Your anxiety does not directly cause your child to act out. Yet, it can deeply affect their emotions. It can still deeply impact their emotional state. By acknowledging this connection, you can take proactive steps to manage your anxiety.

Create Stability Through Consistent Routines

Establishing consistent routines is crucial in providing children with a sense of security and predictability. By setting specific times for daily activities, you help your child feel more secure and manage their expectations effectively. This approach not only fosters a sense of organization and stability. It also aids in developing self-discipline. Children learn to handle their responsibilities independently. Moreover, adding transition periods between activities can ease the shift from one task to another. For instance, a calming reading session before bedtime makes the routine smoother.

Identifying Common signs

Recognizing anxiety in both yourself and your child is crucial for fostering a supportive environment. Look for signs such as excessive worry, irritability, or changes in sleep patterns in both you and your child. By acknowledging these symptoms, you can take proactive steps to manage anxiety. Practice relaxation techniques together, like deep breathing exercises. This shared approach not only helps in reducing anxiety. It also strengthens the bond between you and your child. This creates a more reassuring atmosphere at home.

Boost Your Career Prospects to Alleviate Job-Induced Anxiety

Your job might be causing you stress and anxiety. If it is, consider advancing your career to improve your mental health. Pursuing further education can open doors to better opportunities, offering not only financial benefits but also improved work-life balance. For example, if you work in nursing and want better working conditions, shifts, and pay, explore nurse practitioner online programs. These programs can position you for a more hands-on approach. You can also see improved pay and hours. Regardless of your career track, online degree programs make it easier to handle parenting and work duties more easily.

Seek Out Calming Family Activities

Engaging in calming family activities can foster stronger connections and give everyone a mental break from daily stressors. Try family yoga, weekend nature walks, or cooking together. These activities can create shared moments of relaxation. They allow both parents and children to unwind in each other’s company. Simple routines like reading bedtime stories can give security. Playing music and having a weekly game night foster togetherness. These activities not only help children feel grounded and supported. They also allow parents to reconnect and shift their focus away from anxious thoughts. This reinforces positive family bonds and enhances emotional resilience for everyone involved.

When It’s Time for Professional Help

Recognizing when to seek professional help is crucial. It is essential for managing how parental anxiety affects a child’s well-being. If a parent notices that their anxiety consistently interferes with family routines, it creates persistent stress in the household. This stress also affects their child’s emotional or behavioral health. At this point, it is time to consult a mental health professional. Therapy or counseling can offer both parents and children the tools they need to cope more effectively. A therapist can help parents explore the root of their anxiety. They can learn strategies to prevent it from affecting their child. The therapist also provides a safe space for children to express any concerns they are internalizing.


Identify and handle your own anxiety. This can significantly improve your child’s emotional health. It also helps create a more harmonious family life. Through education, routine, and proactive management, you can foster a supportive environment where you and your child can thrive.


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The Importance of Timing in Life Decisions

Life presents us with fleeting moments of opportunity, and it is essential to seize them to succeed. Have you ever wished you made wiser decisions and fully embraced these opportunities? Understanding the nuances of time is vital, as not all time is of equal value. Taking decisive action at the right time is the difference between triumph and failure. Shakespeare eloquently expressed this idea in Julius Caesar: “There is a tide in the affairs of men. Taken at the flood, it leads on to fortune.” Time is a finite resource. Many people are left feeling regretful for the missed opportunities. Recognizing the different values of time—beyond our usual measures—opens the door to a new realm of possibilities. Yet, countless individuals hold back from this potential out of fear and hesitation. Don’t let fear stop you from stepping into the adventure that awaits!

The call: opportunity knocks.

Many years ago, I was feeling stifled. I was stagnating at work. I had exhausted the possibilities within my current role. I had grown in my love of research. I was drawn to academia. I struggled to take this side of myself seriously. The possibility of working for a major university was like a mirage. An older friend showed me a job advertisement for the position of Senior Research Assistant at a major University. She looked at me and said: “I can see you in this position”. Life often calls us to step outside of the ordinary. It can be an opportunity or a person that inspires this change.

My uncertainties, justifications, and reasons for inaction quickly dissolved. What once appeared impossible, improbable, and merely a fragment of my imagination transformed into a possible reality. I swiftly compiled my application and resume and then awaited a response from the University. A profound sense of inner assurance enveloped me, leading me to believe this opportunity was destined for me. I recalled the story of the prophet Moses from the book of Exodus. Moses stood at the edge of the Red Sea, with the Israelite people watching anxiously. The armies of Pharaoh advanced rapidly in their chariots bearing down on the Israelites. There was no way of escape. In an extraordinary moment, Moses prayed to Yahweh. The waters of the Red Sea parted. The Israelites crossed the Red Sea safely to the other side. Shortly after the interview, I received a phone call on the same day confirming that the position was mine.

My Red Sea moment: Chronos and Kairos time.

Understanding the difference between Chronos and Kairos time has helped me make better decisions. Time is an important resource. Not all time is of equal value. Chronos or clock time is linear. We measure time by calendars and schedules. Chronos time is helpful when the need is to achieve tasks efficiently. Calculating the time it takes to drive my children to activities helps me to juggle multiple responsibilities. Chronos time helps me to organize myself around the daily routines that build a structure for Kairos opportunities to emerge. Turning up to work on time, completing tasks, and meeting Key Performance Indicators are examples of Chronos time. Adhering to Chronos time provides a salary. It offers benefits like annual (and paternity) leave. It provides an income that contributes to family expenses.

A Kairos moment is the most opportune or `right time’ to act for maximum impact. As the writer of Ecclesiastes observed, ‘There is a time for everything.’ There is a season for every activity under the heavens. Kairos time is a `felt moment.’ Words used to describe Kairos time include `rich’, `suspended in time’ or `seasonal’. Surfers and athletes use words like `peak experience’ or `being in the zone’ to describe Kairos time. Kairos has a seasonal aspect. Like farmers, there are times to sow and to reap to boost a good harvest. Kairos has the sense of being lifted ‘out of the ordinary business of life’ into a different quality of life. Embracing Kairos time improves our quality of life and happiness.

Maximizing Kairos opportunities: adopting a mindset of acceptance.

Kairos moments arise when we let go of the belief that we are at the center of our universe. The notion of being ‘…the master of my fate…and… the captain of my soul’ is poetic. Still, it can also feel overwhelming. Many elements are beyond our control. If you are indeed the master of your fate, you bear the full burden of the outcome. The simplistic viewpoint of `It’s all me…my efforts…my achievements…’ offers no space for other perspectives. What happens in the face of failure? External circumstances can derail or hinder our aspirations and objectives. It’s possible to experience losses in finances, business, or career opportunities due to economic fluctuations, health complications, or other variables. I once met an entrepreneur who ran a thriving computer company. That business failed after the terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center on 09/11/2001. There is no journey without risk or the chance of failure. Far worse than failing to meet our goals is the agony of regret. The path of adventure is found in embracing a mindset of openness and acceptance of whatever happens.

Part 2. Maximising Kairos opportunities: embracing risk.