Guest Author Chloe Pearson
I didn’t see it then, but the day I struggled to get off the couch because my dog was sitting on me was the start of my COVID woes, as we call them now. It’s not like she was really holding me down. She’s all of ten pounds. It was that I had let myself go. My back hurts. I was 15 pounds heavier than I’d ever been. My diet was a wreck. I was depressed.
Anyway, I realize now that that was when the irritability began. It was at that moment that I started snapping at my husband for everything, and when we stopped communicating. I wanted to share my story with the Foolish Times blog because I think that we all need to learn to recognize those small moments that change everything.
Let me back up. Before COVID, my husband and I spent every weekend doing something active with our kids. Once they went to bed, we would snuggle, watch movies, and even play the occasional game of Scrabble. Then, out of the blue, everybody was home. All the time. And nobody ever left. So, naturally, we got lazy. I got lazy. While I know that there’s nothing wrong with having the occasional “do nothing” day, I quit running, quit swimming, I quit watching what I ate, and started shoving everything in my face all day long – that was a mistake.
On this day, the kids were playing in the backyard, and I heard them start yelling at each other (red flag number one). My husband and I were on the couch, and I was already annoyed because he was chewing really loud. So I went to get up, and it wasn’t easy. I got mad that he did not immediately jump up to go check on the kids, and I snapped at him by saying, “Do I have to do everything in this house!?” It was the first time I yelled at him, but it wasn’t the last.
Fast-forward. It’s late 2020, he and I had been arguing every day for the last six months, so I called my attorney. She could not see me for nearly four weeks because she was busy. Apparently, we were not the only ones having marital problems. I had also gained more weight, couldn’t get a haircut, and my liquor cabinet was starting to run dry. Looking back, I’m glad that she could not make the appointment because I had another moment that changed my outlook. My youngest asked me why I hated daddy and why I always looked so tired, even though I was sleeping well past breakfast.
I had to make a change, and I started by separating my and my husband’s workspaces so that I could at least have some time during the day when we were not staring at each other. I turned our spare bedroom into my office, and I made sure it was organized and that I put my desk next to the window. That helped. Being on the other side of the house all day felt a little more normal than sharing the sitting room during business hours.
I even started thinking again about starting my own business and what that might look like. I started by brainstorming some ideas in the quiet of my new home office space. Then, I ran a few of them by my husband before landing on one that I wanted to pursue.
Next, I started working out again. I bought leggings – not the cheap “buttery soft” leggings half the women in my neighborhood sell; I needed something more durable that was also comfortable. I also got some new sports bras and a pair of Saucony running shoes (these, for anyone interested).
Our home is in an area with a good walk score, so I started slowly by walking past the closed shops and restaurants. As I gained back my strength and stamina, my walks turned into jogs and then runs. By this time, I could report what businesses were letting people back in and where we might be able to dine outside as a family.
While things were still tense for the next three or so months, I slowly began to regain my energy, and I apologized to my husband for the last year. But, we knew that we needed more than just an apology from me to put things right. He began working on himself as well, so he quit drinking, and all four of us began spending time together again.
As the world began to reopen, he got permission from his employer to go back into the office, and schools finally started taking students back. I think this was huge for the kids because they no longer had to rely on just me and my husband for socialization. After a couple of months, they were more confident and healthier, and were following directions better than ever.
Today, I have lost most of my weight, which has helped me feel better about myself. I’m also meditating every day. My husband quit drinking (and quit eating in the living room!). We have been going to therapy for three months and realize that we love each other very much. Our problem was that we just did not know how to intertwine every moment of our lives together. We had each lost our sense of self. We each need that autonomy to grow as individuals.
While life is still not back to “normal,” I still have my private office, and the kids are not allowed in there. I’m still exercising. And, most importantly, I’ve learned to invest in myself so that I can be a better wife and mom.
Foolish Times 